he shaved USA in his pubs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
