is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
