guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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