God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
