Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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