she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
