I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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