Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
