just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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