When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
