Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
