Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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