his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
