I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
