I feel like abortions should bother me more
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize