i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
