She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
