Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
