I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
