two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
