I looked at my own cervix.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
