Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
