Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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