On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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