We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The struggles of a small town man whore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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