Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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