in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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