I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize