plz talk dirty to me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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