apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
