I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
