I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i barfeds in our rink
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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