btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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