My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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