put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
