What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
