My nipple is on Facebook.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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