Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
