Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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