I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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