i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
