i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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