How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
