if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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