And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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