so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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