I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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