Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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