Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
