Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
