he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
