Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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