Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
