im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
