HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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