If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
