i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She bit a glass in half.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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