Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
