yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
