K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
