All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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