Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
