I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize