On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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