he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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