i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
