At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize