i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
