Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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