I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
