great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
