How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
