i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
