im about as happy as oj after his trial
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
