Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
