the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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