I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
