I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
