When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize