I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
