I wish my penis had an off switch
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
