They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
