Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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