I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
