I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
