i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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