Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
