so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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