i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
