She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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