at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
