im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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