Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
