i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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