3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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