so explain again why im purple
no
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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