i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize