Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
