I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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