I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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