oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
