its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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