Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
