Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
