we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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